The sibling fight rule that stopped me from playing referee constantly

I used to get pulled into every sibling argument to determine who started it and who was right, which meant I was refereeing constant, exhausting disputes with no real end in sight. The rule that changed things: unless someone's actually being hurt, I don't adjudicate who started it — I just separate them for a few minutes and let both sides cool down before anything gets discussed.

It sounds like giving up on fairness, and it's actually the opposite. Trying to determine "who started it" in a sibling fight is usually impossible anyway — both sides genuinely believe their own version. Stepping back from that impossible judgment and focusing on de-escalation instead solved more arguments than years of careful referee work ever did.

Related reading: The Practical Parenting Guide: Bedtime, Chores, and What to Say Instead.